The Heavenward Climb

I guess sharing personal details and dreams on a blog is far from new. In a way, isn't that the point or purpose of these things? I feel confident that nothing that I share here is widely viewed anyway. I'm not sure if more than a handful of family and friends even know it exists. So this is a place for me to throw some things out for me to reflect on down the road so that I don't forget them.

Last night I had reached a low point where I rarely find myself. I have nothing short of a small shrine for my daughter Kathryn in my office at work, pictures and her obituary. She past a way 2 years ago this August. I had been looking at her picture. It's there everyday. I see it and remember. Some days I see it and it smile, some days I weep. Yesterday was tough. I was in my car doing some things for work and heard a Kenny Chesney song "Who You'd Be Today." It's like it was written and composed around her situation. Most of the time I shut those kinds of songs off and shut out thoughts that come to me that are painful. This time I couldn't help but listen and renew how I felt when she was close to me. It was tough to even drive. I miss her in ways that words could never express. So whey do I bring all of this up?

Well, after a tough day and sad evening I went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night having had an amazing dream. I dreamt that I was fully geared up with my backpack and gear. I had boots on that were suitable for climbing. I was on relatively clear open flat ground and was facing a massive, nearly treeless, but rocky mountain. It was covered in a thick green grass with small rocky outcroppings. I felt like I had to get to the top to get to Kathryn. The incline was greater than 45% making it a hand hold and climb to the top. I began to climb and watched my hands dig deep into the grass to hold on. If I slipped there would be nothing but medium sized rocks to slow me down all the way to the bottom. I was eager to reach the top. I didn't see my daughter, but I knew she was there. I climbed step and grab after step and grab. It was a fascinating thing to me because I rarely remember my dreams. The detail and the color was vivid even though people say that dreams are black and white. The mountain was the greenest green. It was amazing. I woke up before I got to the top and tried hard to go back to sleep where I could pick up where I left off, but it didn't happen, I was now awake and thinking about it all.

I sat awake wondering what, if anything, the Lord was trying to tell me. What could I learn, what purpose, if any, did this serve for me?

It felt like it was an affirmation that I would be able to connect with her away from the hustle and bustle of work and schedules more than ever, that out in the woods and mountains or wilderness, I would find some peace and intimacy with her little life and spirit. I recognize that it is not the same for everyone. I also felt a renewed sense or desire to get into shape and take care of my physical frame. In the dream I remember it being a tremendous physical struggle, as I inched upward. Maybe that was telling me something. Drop the pounds by exercising daily and stop eating like I just got released from Gitmo. I know that there is a reason for me to go to hike the AT. Maybe this is just jumbled up thoughts of my longing for Kathryn mixed with my hiking obsession. Who knows, but I feel like I need to go, and I feel like going will bring me closer and help me stay true to my memory of her. My poor wife probably thinks I'm crazy. I love her for her patience with me.

I'll never forget the day she left me. No memory could be as poingant, painful or as life altering. I hope that the changes I make in my life will honor her memory. I want nothing greater in my life than to be with her where she is now.

8 miles on the Florida Trail today

Today was a great adventure for me and the kids. It was a perfect day to hike the Florida Trail. The FT is hundreds of miles long and happens to pass only 3 miles from my house. Somehow I am just now exploring it! Because it runs through the largest Air Force Base in the world I just never got around to dropping the $10 for a pass. Duh! The beauty of this place is its virtually untouched landscape and mammoth size. While this section of trail is well maintained it is still not the beaten path that we see out in Blackwater State Forest at Bear or Krul Lakes. There are many more bumps, stumps, roots and palmetto to trip and slice than BWSF. Today we logged right at 8 or more miles. We started at around 12:15 and stopped to eat at 1:00. I boiled a box of whole wheat pasta and added precooked Italian seasoned ground beef and diced onions. Cleanup was quick and easy. I also field tested my water filter. We filled a water bladder and two water bottles in about 3 minutes. It was a piece of cake. I tested my boots in ankle deep water as well. Sterling, Caroline, Julia and my Dad all had to remove shoes and socks and walk through cold (I was going to say freezing but that would just be an exaggeration for Florida) water where a boggy spot was over the foot bridge. My boots stayed dry so I was pleased with that too. I was amazed at the children. Their resilience has truly shown through today. We logged 8 miles in roughly 4 hours of hiking. This was significant when you consider all 5 of us had packs on. Sterling is 5, Julia is 7 and Caroline is 9. None of them have done a hike like that ever. They had a truly enjoyable time or so it seemed. The food was good. There was plentiful water to purify and cook with. All in all they were quite pleased with themselves too. The all carried walking sticks and enjoyed plunking along. Very few complaints were heard!

My plans are starting to come together. I now just need to focus on getting my feet on the trail every week and lifting and running to strengthen my body and harden my feet for the punishment that is to come from the rocky AT. I am so blessed to have a physical body that holds up well under these conditions. I have done so little to manage or maintain it. I owe it to myself and my 2009 goals to dig in, stop all the recreational eating and get my body back into the shape that it needs to be in.

A few gear items became obvious necessities during this hike. Trekking poles for me, and for Caroline. When we were crossing the water the makeshift wooden tree branch hiking poles we were carrying became life savers. The bottom was slippery and the poles added required stability. They also will allow us to push ourselves forward with our arms and hands when our legs are not as excited about more steps of progress.

Here are another pic and a video which I didn't have time to flip the vid with MS Movie Maker. I love the picture below. These are beautiful new growth long leaf pines. They are quite different from what I grew up around up in the midwest.

An updated DATE!

We are moving our previously scheduled hike from August to June! I don't have the exact date yet but it will likely be the first week in June. I will be going with my daughter and probably my father and possibly one other. We will travel along with the Venture scouts from a local scouting troop. This will make the shuttling process more reasonable once we finish. I now have less time, 5 months, to gather my gear and get things lined up. At a minimum we still need a lightweight 2 person tent. My daughter has decided that she will not be able to hammock hang with me. I was planning on getting her her own but she says she will need someone close by. She has recently become mortified of Black Bears. She saw the movie Appalachian Impressions and became concerned. Oops.

Here's a look at what we can expect in May/June. This May be a huge help. The cooler evening temps will be nice reprieve from the 80's during the day.

BEAR LAKE!

Just a report on our great family camp and hike at Bear Lake. We took off Monday 12/29 and just got back today 1/1/09. It was great. I had a great time interacting and teaching my children about the wonderment of the great outdoors. It was a sacrifice for my dear wife who spent most of her time tending to our 3 month old, Andrew who doesn't like it when Mom is away for very long. I think all had an enjoyable time. It was excellent. A few highlights. . .
> First the wild life report: We got to see several bald eagles hunting over bear lake during the final 2 days. There were also several species of wrens hanging around our campsite. We saw several dozen cormorants. Caroline got to identify it from a bird book from its close relative the native anhinga. She could tell it was a cormorant as it dried its wings in the sun based on the color of its feet (black not yellow) and the shape of its beak (hooked on the end not straight). They were up close and in person with grandpa's high end pair of binoculars. We also saw herons and jays and a few others. A few other wildlife highlights: Sterling and I were fishing and being very patient when Sterling reached down into the mud and snatched up a painted mud turtle that he named Shell. He let him go today before we left in a swampy little spillway area of the lake. It was tough, but I figured the turtle probably couldn't survive too many more days in his left pocket or in his hand before he would croak. We are in "no pet mode" right now because of the new baby. Maybe when he gets a few years old. Caroline and I did a 6 mile hike. We started at dusk and saw 2 white tail deer 1 buck and one doe darting through the woods. We also saw a buck rut/scrape. Another neat thing was during that night hike we discovered that our headlamp illuminated the eyes of every spider that was on the trail. This was a phenomenon that I had for whatever reason never seen! It was 1 part creepy and 5 parts cool. They were rarely more than 10 yards apart and those were the ones that were facing us! I could literally see a spider 1/4 inch in diameter from 15 yeards away and walk right up on it. It think it must have had to do with our new ultrabright LED headlamps. Their eyes looked like little twinkling raindrops in the sun even thought it was pitch black. That was a new one even for me. While on the same night hike we smelled a pretty foul smelling skunk spray. Fortunately we were not the victims of said spray.
> Now to the hiking mileage and details. Day 1, we all hiked 4 miles around Bear Lake then at around 4:45 Caroline and I left to do our 6 mile night hike. It was fantastic! I had forgotten how awesome it is to hike through the woods at night. We were just enjoying eating up the yellow blazes one by one. The experience was invaluable as far as preparations are concerned. We were reminded that night hikes are great but they are better if you have a map. We had glanced at the map last week but at one particular junction the trail took an abrupt turn in an unexpected direction. On top of that, the sign was on the ground so I wasn't at all sure if the arrow was really supposed to be pointed left because we failed to bring our simple map. Not very smart on my part. I just thought, "Loop hike, follow the blazes how hard can it be?" The earlier hike had been well worn because it was shorter and easier. A few times we veared off and Caroline was quick to say, "Daddy I don't see a blaze." I was very proud of her and how she passed the trial so well. I know she'll do well on the AT. We will continue to train and practice. It was nice since Bear Lake is less than 25 miles away. In addition to that The Florida Trail can be picked up just 7 miles south of my house. The only catch is that I will need to get Eglin AFB access to trek out there. It would allow me to go run any time I wanted the exercize without having to go too far. Caroline's only complaint was that her feet hurt. I told her to get use to that. We talked about conditioning our legs and feet for the punishment of 10 miles a day up and down mountainous terrain. Her feet were a concern too since our florida trails are very smooth, flat and sandy. Sand in my shoes was my biggest complaint. Any rocks you see have been intentionally put there like regular gravel and chat. I know from living in the midwest to expect the AT to be a rocky craggy thing that will poke and bruise her tender feet if she's not careful. So I will debate on which shoe to bring her in. Everything I have read says send them in a running shoe but . . . maybe I can find something of a trail runner for her.
All in all she logged 20 easy miles in 3 days which was our goal. I did about 18 miles. I was able to test out some of my gear as well. I used my cooking gear and picked up a few things such as take a simple quarter piece of scratch pad for doing camp chores, dishes and even scrubbing the grime off of your hands. We used the first aid kit. Sterling cut his hand on a machete while hacking his way through a 6 inch piece of white cedar. I also blistered up my hands chopping on a stubborn piece of pine wood that we wanted to use for fire wood. The blisters popped and my hand was bloody. Office hands! Not used to swingging an axe or maul. I think my hands as a 10 year old farm hands were tougher than they are now! I guess that's the idea behind going to college (i guess). I carried my intentionally overweight 45 pound north face brand pack. It was comfortable, but lacks a few essential features. I would like and maybe I'll add them myself 2 water bottle holders or a water bladder set up. The pack is 15 years old and does not have either feature. I prefer the bladders since they require so little to drink on the go. It does have a nice slack pack detachable fanny pack though and that is nice. We had some Swiss Army trekking poles $16.95 at WalMart. Junk. Didn't work. We went to adjust them and didn't end up using them once. My hiking boots were great for this trip. They kept my feet warm and although they are brand new didn't blister my feet much. I had two little blisters on my two big toes. But the construction of the heal box is tight and there is a noticable lack of seams on the inside of the boot. My only concern is that thy will be too warm next August on Springer. I am happy with the boots just need to keep breaking them in and maybe look for a cooler trail shoe. I still need some better cloths for myself and Caroline. I have cotton shorts and shirts. Based on this hike I need decent underarmour or warming clothing. I need breathable trail clothes that don't retain moisture like cotton. I also need a decent sleeping bag. I froze! To top it off we have 4 sleeping bags and 7 people in our family (notwithstanding 1 is in heaven and 1 is only 3 months old). I will have to acquire some of this stuff over time.
All in all it was a great trip!